I’ve asked my pretty little aide once: „What would be the opening line of my book, if she would be forced to ghostwrite it some day. „Whatever you do- don’t panic”- she replied. I find this very neat. Pretty wise. I wish I could sign under this work, even if it would by someone’s else. Right now I cannot do that because, maybe not that often (like in the past), but still I do panic from time to time. Don’t be angry about the fact that someone else writes my own texts. That’s me. You’ve gotta love me. The first thing they taught me during my Public Relations studies was to outsource every possible task. This art served me particularly well- soon I’ve outsourced even the quest for finishing the school. That way I had more time to feel sorry about my bleak fate. Thanks to successful planning I have the diploma now- very helpful if I need to wrap a sausage urgently or be obliged to show at least one diploma to my prospective in-laws. For me it is not important who writes these words. The crucial part is getting the work done and making new articles see the light, so everyone of us can learn and draw conclusions. That is the purpose of maintaining this blog. Besides, I strongly count on some gains from product placement (cola and cigs’ as usual, but NOT ONLY) and of course from selling my flagship product- USELESS CARDS. It is pleasant that somebody finds pleasure in reading this notes. My aide is veery talented- she has got real gift of effortless writing , her own sense of humor and first of all – she knows English good. Not like me.
Anyways, Giordano, owner of the olive farm I landed by accident, showed me a short vid with Jim Carrey speaking. You know this guy. When I was ten, I’ve peed my pants watching Ace Ventura getting out of rhino’s ass. Later in my life I also peed my pants, but because I was scared. I mean- in fear. Jim Carrey is a guru nowadays, teaching: „All decisions in your life are made in fear or with love, and it depends on you which feeling will prevail”. I think it works like that.
„So courageous!” somebody would say after reading my first note „Cinderella Story”. Going after your dreams, hard work working out for one idealist boy from a poor country, et caetera. I want to be a millionaire, I want to be a famous filmmaker- as written by my previous helper, which obviously cared more about my positive image than precise manipulations of data- which is the definition of PR that I prefer the most from all the definitions presented to me at my funny college. PR-maid who lied is an ex-PR-maid, that’s why I’ve sacked her. Also- because her problems with alcohol but this is a vast topic, which I would like not to touch. At least now. New one is pretty expensive, but she writes only the truth. Doesn’t try to conceal my weak sides. She is beautiful (physically). She has a boyfriend though. I am jinxed with pretty girls- I am rather a horny gay guys magnet. I will cover it different time, warning you in advance that you don’t eat anything during the reading. Anyway, I’ve not escaped Poland to be a millionaire… Such a bullshit. I’ve escaped FROM something. Not with the courage, but in strong fear. I’ve escaped because I was afraid to face my problems back there in Poland. And I have had a couple of them. Still have. Moreover- I’ve made some new ones here, in Sicily. I work for free, so I’ll never buy a ticket to fly away. Maybe I could catch a raft of illegal immigrants, but these are unstable and I would be freaking out all the way to the shore. I’ve met a guy from Gambia here. Almost all of his family was murdered there. His sister’s eyes were pierced out and he also was in danger, that’s why he got to get out of his country. He said that almost all the time they got to take out the water pouring in with good pace and the other raft with one hundred Gambians vanished somewhere without a trace. I wouldn’t like to die. Maybe it isn’t obvious- because i am so grumpy most of the time- I love my life soundly. I can always leave by hitchhiking, but at the moment i am not ready to do that. Was the idea about going to Norway with this guy who loved songs about fucking triggered by my courage? Was the risk that this perfect stranger will not leave me in the middle of nowhere without money, car and the spam from Poland worth undertaking? Is this courage? I mean risking your whole life. Nope. I think no. This is stupid. Don’t do that. (I don’t agree with him. He would never learn anything otherwise. Stupid fuck.- The Aide). You don’t want to live in a wet, cold tent, begging for work or something to eat. This is stupid, don’t do this please. I’ve done this and that does it. I can share the experience. I must warn you. Don’t move to Norway without money. Don’t work for free in Sicily even if they promise you some olive oil. Stay at home. Your grandma always can make some dumplings and do the laundry. If you got to go go to Germany first. Find some precarious work through a shady agency. Whatever. They will take half of your wage but at least give you a shelter in some shack with twenty heavy drinking Poles. After few months you will get the money needed to move to Norway, and there working like a slave for next couple of years you can save some schmeckles. To get a flat you can rent. 600 Euro passive income will settle you in Thailand. You can live like a king there. You will be slave no more. You can even get your own servant, some cheap Asiaman. It is how business is getting done. I am about to endorse my own show about good living. With hints. You cannot wait to see it! Mistakes teach you very fast and I have made so much of them I could easily be a guru in some Aśram. If Jim Carrey will create his own I will certainly send my CV. In fact I can ship you a lesson right now. How to handle fear with success! I know the theoretical rudiments and I’ve managed to minimalize its impacts on my life. I’ve attended numerous psychotherapies, positive-thinking classes and emotional control courses, ten-day Vipassana meditations. I’ve even got a wild frog vaccine or whatever. See my previous entries. If you want. As a guru I always have a parabola to make my teachings more accessible.
It is about a guy who was suffering from fecal incontinence. No doctor could help him, they’ve said that the disease is probably psychosomatic. So, the poor guy tried the different psychotherapies. After ten years of Freudian psychotherapy he met his friend, and was asked:” Do you still shit your pants?”. „Yes, but now I am aware, where it came from!” the patient replied. Still not cured, he chose behavioral therapy. Again, he met the friend. „You still shit yourself?”- he asked. „Yup, but it is better now, because I have rubber pants.”- replied the hero of this sad story. Finally, he went to Gestalt therapy. And again – he bumps into his friend out of the blue and the dialogue goes like this:”Soooooo…. You still defecate in your pants, man?” and the reply:”I still shit myself but i don’t give a fuck anymore.”
There’s a lesson in this story- some things will never change and I need to accept them and move on with my life, despite the circumstances. The fear is also an element of our nature; and we need to accept it but try to reduce its impacts on our decisions. It is easy to forget about it for a moment – getting drunk, or high, but i don’t think it’s about that. There are two kinds of fear for certain. Rational, which is connected with our survival instincts. This kind of fear cannot let the majority of people (except idiots) to put your hand into an open fire or go to the most expensive country of Europe without money, steady job and a place to rest the head. The other kind- irrational one- emerging from deep psychic conditioning and arrest of your development- stops you from talking to a pretty gal, express yourself truly or just have the courage to reach for the life you really would want to live. It forces you to agree for life of mediocrity. I think that having even a little bit of the second one obliges you to fight with it, by all means. I also find any effort put into overcoming this kind of blockage worthy. This is the fight that awaits me. Not to become a famous filmmaker or a millionaire. I want to face this irrational fear to end my slavery in systemic and economical sense, because i am prone to accept them like the guy from the story who sited himself. I don’t want to be a slave of my own mind, my own fear, complexes or my doubts. I’ve started to see the bigger picture, publishing my stories on the internet and being a laughing stock of people here, who presumably have the perfect lives they’ve reached for some time in their youth. Oh, come on. Maybe I am still afraid, using my helpers to write these words. I can still disclaim my creation of this blog putting the fault of my failure on her. Maybe this is this fear. This is schizopreniac stuff. This article was very expensive. If you could support me, try to buy the USELESS CARDS of mine. I thank sincerely everyone who bought this senseless card from me. This is a pity I cannot manage to crowdfund my aide full-time, but maybe some day…
The point is: I want to destroy all my internal and external blockages to manifest and fulfill entirety of my potential – the dreams, plans and ideas which want to come out since I’ve thought about them for the first time. Jim Carrey said that hope isn’t enough. You got to have faith in it and faith ought to be a 100% certainty (wikipedia states that it is 99%, but who cares about this status-quo device anyways). If you got this covered, the Universe cannot outsmart you I mean it should help to materialise your intentions. Am I sure I can succed?! Yes, but still only 99%. LoL.